dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
