she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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