I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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