She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
