A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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