JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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