yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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