Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
