All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize