Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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