Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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