when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
