I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
nutella sex= disaster
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
