Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
