I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
