Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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