maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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