I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize