I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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