I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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