apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
