He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
