Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
