i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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