I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
