I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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