I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
