Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize