she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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