What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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