Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
