the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
