Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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