Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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