i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
