How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
