kristin has been a bad kristin
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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