"it" just moved
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
