If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
