I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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