I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
