My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
