Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
