I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
