he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize