Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
