I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
pop tarts are not kleenex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize