apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
