She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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