wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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