a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
