I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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