if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
