so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
