How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
