A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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