we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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