I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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