Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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