I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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