all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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