When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
