Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize