saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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