Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
