All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
