I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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