And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize