my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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