so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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