I'm jealous of your bromance
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
