i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
